Leadership by Relationship

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. (Romans 12:9-11, NIV)

Task-Based Leadership Doesn’t (Fully) Work

Any time we’re leading people, it’s generally for the purpose of accomplishing something. We lead to help an organization accomplish its mission. We lead to successfully complete a project. We lead so that ministries are effective in their mission of reaching and serving.

Any reason for leading brings with it a set of tasks that must be finished. These tasks are imperative, because without doing them, the thing we’re attempting to accomplish won’t get done. This reality makes it easy to embrace a task-based leadership style.

This leadership style focuses on the tasks that need to get accomplished. It often ensures that everyone involved knows what tasks they need to accomplish, how they should do them, and by when. In and of itself, a focus on tasks is important. And it’s important that leaders are able to help the people who follow them understand the tasks they are responsible for completing.

But when we focus only, or primarily, on the tasks, we’re missing a crucial element of successful leadership. While task-based leadership gets the job done, it will never be as effective as leadership that takes a relationship-based approach. And the two, combined together, creates a powerful form of leadership that creates a potential for increased impact and success.

Ensuring that we’re building the right types of relationships while we’re leading can be the hardest element of leadership. It does require time, energy, intentionality, and effort from the leader. Even when the leader already has a lot on their plate. But building relationships helps build people. And this is part of the call of being a leader.

Relationship-Based Leadership

Relationship is the method by which effective leadership occurs. The ‘by’ is significant. We’re not leading ‘through’ relationships because relationships aren’t processes, systems, or passages from point A to B. We lead ‘by’ relationship because it is the direct method or agent in which our leadership occurs.

This text in Romans gives us a wonderful blueprint for leadership by relationship. It shows us how we should build the right types of relationships as we lead people.

First, we must love the people we leave with sincerity, or without pretense. In other words, we can’t fake our love for them. Even if we are leading people who are challenging, we must still love them. This is a love that shows esteem and affection that’s demonstrated in practical ways. This love lets us build a mutually supportive community for our church, group, or organization.

Leadership by relationship also means that we must hate, or loathe, what is evil and cling to what is good. Building the right type of relationship means that we will hate treating people in any way that disrespects, mistreats, or lacks empathy towards their humanity.

Instead, we cling to treating them in any way that shows respect, care and concern, and empathy to who they are and their situation. However, we can only hate what’s evil and cling to what’s good when we are internally committed to this love that Jesus calls us to live by.

Next, we lead by relationship when we are willing to honor the people we lead above ourselves. This calls us to be courageous enough to renounce vicious competition for honor, title, and status. Just as we receive honor by right of being the leader, the people we lead should also receive honor.

We do this by recognizing their good works. We recognize their big wins. And the efforts they made that didn’t lead to a big win. We recognize them for showing up every day. For pressing through and doing the tasks at hand, even while they are dealing with their own lives. And this recognition needs to happen privately and publicly!

Finally, we all know that effective leaders can’t be lazy. This applies to our relationships as well. We must have zeal in our relationships. Loving, treating with respect, and honoring them in enthusiasm. In essence, this mirrors how we should serve the Lord. With the same enthusiasm and fervor we bring to serving the Lord, we should bring to the relationships we build with others.

Recognizing that leadership happens by way of relationship will greatly enhance the effectiveness of our leadership. As we give to others love, respect, honor, and enthusiasm, we’ll find that they’ll give the same to us. And they’ll be more willing to work towards the tasks at hand.

Leadership by relationship will help create a community that can navigate challenging times together. It creates a culture that allows for growth, vulnerability, and courage. And all of these are needed when groups of people are working towards a common goal.

A note for help: Leadership by relationship begins first with our relationship with the Lord. I encourage you to read Romans 12:1-2. When we are living sacrifices and are transformed by the renewing of our minds, we’ll find that leadership by relationship becomes easier even when the leading becomes harder.

Listen to Gods Property sing about Love (click the image below).

Weekly Power Shifts

Power Shift 1: Examine Your Leadership Lens

Reflection Question: When you think about how you lead the people in your world, are you leading primarily by task, primarily by relationship, or have you found the powerful combination of both? Be honest with yourself.

• Your Action Step: This week, take inventory. Write down the names of three people you lead. Next to each name, note whether your recent interactions with them have been task-focused, relationship-focused, or both. If you find your list leaning heavily toward tasks, choose one relationship-building conversation to have with each person that has nothing to do with checking a box off their to-do list.

Power Shift 2: Check Your Sincerity

Reflection Question: Is there someone you lead who you find challenging to love without pretense? What would it look like to hate what is evil in how you've been treating them, and cling to what is good instead?

• Your Action Step: Identify the one person on your team or in your circle who tests your patience the most. This week, do one practical, tangible thing that demonstrates genuine esteem and affection toward them. This is not because they've earned it, but because leadership by relationship calls you to it regardless.

Power Shift 3: Bring Zeal Into the Relationship

Reflection Question: Are you leading with genuine enthusiasm and care, or have you allowed responsibility to make you cold, rushed, or disconnected? Have you become lazy or passive in how you connect with your team? How is your own personal relationship with the Lord impacting the energy you bring to those you lead?

• Your Action Step: Before each key interaction this week, pause and offer this prayer of intentional mind renewal (Romans 12:1-2). Pray: "Lord, renew my mind. Help me bring Your zeal, warmth, and respect into this space so I can lead by relationship, not just by authority." Now intentionally approach these interactions with energy and enthusiasm, trusting that the Lord will help you with any concerns or challenges.

Click here for a free printable reflection with Power Shifts for this devotional.

Closing Prayer: Gracious Lord, you have called the person listening to this prayer to serve in leadership. Thank you for seeing them and for using their gifts. Will you look down upon them and see their needs as they fulfill this call for you? May you love them so deeply that they have an abundance of love to pour into others. May your esteem of them be so deep that they are able to highly esteem the people they lead. May you bless them with an honor, both temporal and heavenly, and may they receive joy as they honor others. Now, if there is any lack, angst, or struggles in their leadership, I ask that you will resolve them out of the riches of your Son, Jesus Christ. May they experience a fresh wind and new level of leadership so that they may continue to press on towards the mark of the high calling you have given them. It is in Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen and Ashe.